Young smiling women leaning on a wall. She is a sexologist and Intimacy coach in NZ
WELCOME

I’m Ilil, a Somatic Sexologist & Intimacy Coach.

I support individuals & partners into a truly fulfilling sex and intimate lives — whatever that looks like for them.

Whether you’re facing a specific challenge, want to deepen emotional and physical connection with partners, or simply curious about widening your experience as a sexual-being, you've come to the right place. Wherever you're starting from, meaningful change is possible, and I'm here for it.

Appointments offered in-person / online, worldwide and in the Wellington clinic (NZ).

INDIVIDUALS • COUPLES • GROUPS

SERVICES

  • Young women hugging herself and connecting with her sexuality

    SEXOLOGICAL BODYWORK

    Sexological bodywork sessions are a highly effective modality that focus on helping you overcome sexual challenges and access more pleasure during intimacy with yourself and others.

  • Young couple kissing and deepening their physical Intimacy

    INTIMACY COACHING

    Intimacy coaching sessions explore the emotional and physical aspects of partnered intimacy. Improve your communication skills, understand each other’s desires and boundaries, and build a better love life together.

  •  Hands reaching towards each other in a workshop for couples sexuality

    WORKSHOPS & EVENTS

    Group workshops are a great way to start your journey of sexual discovery, integrating theory with hands-on experiential learning in a fun, supportive group setting. New workshops added regularly.

  • PRIVATE INTENSIVE

    Offered worldwide, in-person intensives are 6 to 10 days of focused work, tailored to your goals. Offered to couples and individuals by special arrangement, this is an accelerated path to the changes you're seeking. 

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What can I help you with?

OVERCOME SEXUAL
CHALLENGES

  • Low libido

  • Difficulty climaxing / orgasming

  • Painful sex

  • Vaginismus

  • Erectile dysfunction

  • Early / delayed ejaculation

  • Sexual anxiety and insecurity

  • Address body shame and other limiting inhibitions

  • Finding intimacy post childbirth

  • Heal from past negative experiences

  • Sexual rehabilitation after major life changes

FEEL EROTICALLY
EMPOWERED

  • Explore your erotic blueprint

  • Increase your capacity to feel aroused and experience pleasure.

  • Genital mapping

  • Stay present and less distracted during intimacy

  • Build confidence and learn new lovemaking skills.

  • Cultivate an empowering self-pleasure practise

  • Expand your idea of orgasms

  • Explore fantasies, BDSM and kink

  • Adapt to your changing sexuality with ageing.

BUILD A THRIVING
RELATIONSHIP

  • Learn to repair and resolve underlying resentment and tension.

  • Develop communication skills for discussing sensitive topics

  • Reawaken desire in sexless relationships.

  • Bridge mismatched sexual desires

  • Navigate needs, desires and boundaries

  • Bring novelty and playfulness into the bedroom

  • Navigate non-monogamy and other relationship structures

  • Build secure attachment

  • Rebuild trust after infidelity

MY APPROACH 

True change takes practice, support and guidance.

Radically different from traditional talk therapy, my approach goes beyond simply understanding change through talk alone. We Build new habits through practice, so that change is felt in your body and embedded in your long-term memory. Drawing on the latest research in neuroscience and sexual psychology, our sessions will combine conversation, educational components, and experiential learning. You will not just come to have a better understanding of yourself, but will be able to fully integrate and embody that knowledge in your everyday life.

Somatic Sexologist (American Board of Sexology Certified)
Certified Sexological Bodyworker (
SSEAA registered)
Sex & Relationship Coach (
Somatica® Certified)
Somatic Sexologists Aoteara Registered Practitioner
Certified Youth Sex Educator
Specialty Training in Working with Vaginismus (AASECT)

GET IN TOUCH

Contact me by filling out the form below to enquire about my coaching services or schedule your free 15 minute consultation.

Questions?

TESTIMONIALS

  • "Ilil holds a space where the most complex layers of the human experience - love, desire, and our deepest vulnerabilities - can finally breathe"

    My fiancé and I have worked with Ilil for a year, and she is a naturally gifted, warm presence in our lives. Ilil holds a sacred, intentional space where the most complex layers of the human experience - love, desire, and our deepest vulnerabilities - can finally breathe. She is never content with the surface; she has an uncanny ability to navigate the 'shadow' territory of a partnership with heart and an uplifting vitality.

    Derrick & Ali

  • "Orgasms, which I had struggled with, becoming much easier to achieve.”

    Working with Ilil was the first time I sought professional support on these topics. I was nervous but felt immediately very safe with her. I felt a big change after the first session. I was gaining confidence and gained a better understanding of my personal interests, which translated into sex becoming genuinely enjoyable and orgasms, which I had struggled with, becoming much easier to achieve.

    Ilil's overall excitement around sex made it very easy to share sensitive information and made the experience very fun and enjoyable.

    Fiona (32 y.o)

  • "Working with Ilil has been, hands down, one of the best investments I've ever made in myself"

    I'm a 65-year-old man, and Ilil has truly transformed my life. Ilil possesses a natural talent for this work combined with years of dedicated training and practice—from the first session, you immediately sense you're in the presence of someone who has mastered their craft.

    Ilil helped me identify and work through the wounds and habitual responses that were preventing real connection. This enabled me to find and build more fulfilling and secure bonds, and experience more delicious intimacy. With her guidance, I was able to find a partner and develop an intimate relationship after nearly 20 years of avoiding it.

    Working with Ilil has been, hands down, one of the best investments I've ever made in myself.

    Hamish ( 65 y.o )

  • “ It’s exciting to know I still can have a great sex life”

    I got cancer on my penis and had to have it amputated. I still have my prostate and balls, therefore still have sexual feelings. I thought my sex life was over.

    Working with Ilil helped me understand my body and learn many other ways I can still experience sexual pleasure. It’s so exciting to know I still can have a great sex life.

    Thank you Ilil!

    Rob (66 y.o)

  • "Somtic sexology , I'd say it's one of the most wonderful gift you can offer yourself"

    I came to work with Ilil because I was experiencing pain during intercourse and wanted to heal some wounds related to intimacy. Our work together brought so much awareness and opened up important conversations with my husband—not just around intimacy, but in how we communicate more broadly. What I appreciated most was the warmth, ease, and trust I felt from the very beginning.

    To anyone considering somatic sexology but feeling uncertain, I'd say it's one of the most wonderful gift you can offer yourself.

    Lauren (30 y.o)

  • "Ilil, in her own balance and patience she was able to unravel my nervous system"

    Have you met your "pause"? A place set so deep in your core that your vibration is invisible, yet with Ilil, in her own balance and patience she was able to unravel my nervous system, through trust and consent the ability to hear through the words I felt an inspired peace like nothing before.

    Now my pauses are inspirational in gratitude of knowing Ilil and what she has shared will be an echo I can feel upon throughout my lifetimes.

    My heart thanks you!

    Josh ( 48 y.o )

  • "Ilil makes us feel truly safe and seen."

    Ilil makes us feel truly safe and seen. We’ve never left a session without deep insights into our childhood patterning, nervous systems, and relationship dynamics. From intimacy challenges to the transition of our engagement, her approach has been incredibly adaptive. We never feel like we’re following a pre-set agenda; she has the tools to respond naturally to wherever we are as individuals and as a couple. Whether we’re facing acute blockages or simply want to build a more supportive structure for our intimacy, Ilil delivers immense value.

    - Ali & Derrick -