Smiling woman leaning on a wall. She is a sex therapist in new Zealand

  • “My fiancé and I have worked with Ilil for a year now, and she is a naturally gifted, warm presence in our lives. Ilil holds a space where the most complex layers of our human experience - love, desire, and our deepest vulnerabilities - can finally breathe.”

    Derrick & Ali

  • “ Ilil possesses a natural talent for this work combined with years of dedicated training and practice—from the first session, you immediately sense you're in the presence of someone who has mastered their craft.

    Working with Ilil has been, hands down, one of the best investments I've ever made in myself. “

    Hamish ( 65 y.o )

  • “I felt a big change after my first session with Ilil. I gained confidence and a better understanding of my personal interests, which translated into sex becoming genuinely enjoyable and orgasms, which I had struggled with, becoming much easier to achieve. “

    Fiona (32 y.o)

young women smiling. She is a couples counselor in new Zealand

MY STORY

I have always been fascinated by sex, intimacy, emotions, relational patterns and pleasure. As well as studying and exploring these topics professionally, I’ve had plenty of my own experiences along the way.

Being passionate about these topics didn't mean they came easy for me. Negative sexual experiences early on in my life created deep roadblocks and challenges in my ability to feel safety, pleasure and connection with a partner. I struggled with anxious attachment, surrendering to orgasm, and felt out of touch with my voice, my authentic expression and my body in general.

After years of ignoring these parts of myself, I finally decided that I had to make a change. With the support of a sexological bodyworker and intimacy coach, I began to heal the wounds of my past and restore my natural deliciousness. I was able to open up to a much greater experience of pleasure, orgasms, self-expression and to connect on a deeper level with partners. I learnt to recognise what brings me pleasure, I learned to voice my desires, my needs and my boundaries, and to feel safe to be myself. I learnt to stop ‘performing’ pleasure and actually feel it.

These positive changes rippled outwards, impacting how I showed up in the world. My confidence, self-esteem and self-worth all improved, and I experienced so much more pleasure, not just in the bedroom, but in all spaces of my life.

This personal journey naturally evolved into a professional one. Since experiencing the radically transformative power of somatic sexology in my own life, I have devoted myself to sharing this knowledge and helping others on their own path. I am now a Certified Somatica® Sex and Relationship Coach, Sexological Bodyworker, and Sexologist. I am also qualified as a Youth Sex Educator.

Today, I work with individuals, couples and groups from around the world, helping them navigate their own paths to greater pleasure, intimacy and fulfilment. I’ve had the privilege of working extensively with people of all ages, genders, sexual identities, and relationship dynamics. People come to me for a huge variety of reasons. Some of my clients have something definitive they want to work on, while others arrive with a nagging sense that they are missing something in their sexual or intimate lives, but aren’t quite sure what.

I firmly believe there's no single "right" way to live, love, or connect. Healthy relationships and fulfilling intimate lives look different for everyone. What matters is finding what genuinely works for you. Together, we work toward realising your own authentic path, free from others' expectations or “one size fits all” structure. Owning who you are and what best works for you and your relationship.

My sessions are a welcoming, supportive space for anyone and everyone to express themselves, explore vulnerable topics and be seen and celebrated, just as they are.

Somatic Sexologist (American Board of Sexology)
Sexological Bodywork (SSEAA registered)
Sex & Relationship Coach (Somatica® Certified)
Certified Youth Sex Educator
Specialty Training in Working with Vaginismus (AASECT)

Simile women sitting on pink chair. She is a Sexologist helping couples with sexless marriage. 
MY APPROACH

What is Somatic Sexology?

Somatic sexology combines experiential learning, conversation and educational elements, helping you expand your skills and beliefs around sex, intimacy and relationships. You will be invited to practise research-backed exercises, all tailored to your specific needs, while I provide you with real-time guidance and feedback in a safe and supportive environment. There are many shapes learning can take in a session, from role playing, movement, sound and awareness, to anatomical understanding, breathwork and mindful touch – there is no one size fits all.

This work can be confronting, but that is also why it can be so incredibly powerful. Many of my clients have never spoken about certain issues before, or have never had an accepting space to explore them. With me, they do. As a warm, attuned, and deeply empathetic person, I show up as my authentic self in every session, creating a loving, encouraging atmosphere. I strive to meet my clients where they are; our work is guided by their intentions and moves at their pace. My role as a sexologist is not to ‘fix’ you – you’re not broken – but to hold that space for you, to see you, and to help you come to see that it is safe to be yourself.

TESTIMONIALS

  • "Ilil holds a space where the most complex layers of the human experience - love, desire, and our deepest vulnerabilities - can finally breathe"

    My fiancé and I have worked with Ilil for a year, and she is a naturally gifted, warm presence in our lives. Ilil holds a sacred, intentional space where the most complex layers of the human experience - love, desire, and our deepest vulnerabilities - can finally breathe. She is never content with the surface; she has an uncanny ability to navigate the 'shadow' territory of a partnership with heart and an uplifting vitality.

    Derrick & Ali

  • "Orgasms, which I had struggled with, becoming much easier to achieve.”

    Working with Ilil was the first time I sought professional support on these topics. I was nervous but felt immediately very safe with her. I felt a big change after the first session. I was gaining confidence and gained a better understanding of my personal interests, which translated into sex becoming genuinely enjoyable and orgasms, which I had struggled with, becoming much easier to achieve.

    Ilil's overall excitement around sex made it very easy to share sensitive information and made the experience very fun and enjoyable.

    Fiona (32 y.o)

  • "Working with Ilil has been, hands down, one of the best investments I've ever made in myself"

    I'm a 65-year-old man, and Ilil has truly transformed my life. Ilil possesses a natural talent for this work combined with years of dedicated training and practice—from the first session, you immediately sense you're in the presence of someone who has mastered their craft.

    Ilil helped me identify and work through the wounds and habitual responses that were preventing real connection. This enabled me to find and build more fulfilling and secure bonds, and experience more delicious intimacy. With her guidance, I was able to find a partner and develop an intimate relationship after nearly 20 years of avoiding it.

    Working with Ilil has been, hands down, one of the best investments I've ever made in myself.

    Hamish ( 65 y.o )

  • “ It’s exciting to know I still can have a great sex life”

    I got cancer on my penis and had to have it amputated. I still have my prostate and balls, therefore still have sexual feelings. I thought my sex life was over.

    Working with Ilil helped me understand my body and learn many other ways I can still experience sexual pleasure. It’s so exciting to know I still can have a great sex life.

    Thank you Ilil!

    Rob (66 y.o)

  • "Somtic sexology , I'd say it's one of the most wonderful gift you can offer yourself"

    I came to work with Ilil because I was experiencing pain during intercourse and wanted to heal some wounds related to intimacy. Our work together brought so much awareness and opened up important conversations with my husband—not just around intimacy, but in how we communicate more broadly. What I appreciated most was the warmth, ease, and trust I felt from the very beginning.

    To anyone considering somatic sexology but feeling uncertain, I'd say it's one of the most wonderful gift you can offer yourself.

    Lauren (30 y.o)

  • "Ilil, in her own balance and patience she was able to unravel my nervous system"

    Have you met your "pause"? A place set so deep in your core that your vibration is invisible, yet with Ilil, in her own balance and patience she was able to unravel my nervous system, through trust and consent the ability to hear through the words I felt an inspired peace like nothing before.

    Now my pauses are inspirational in gratitude of knowing Ilil and what she has shared will be an echo I can feel upon throughout my lifetimes.

    My heart thanks you!

    Josh ( 48 y.o )

  • "Ilil makes us feel truly safe and seen."

    Ilil makes us feel truly safe and seen. We’ve never left a session without deep insights into our childhood patterning, nervous systems, and relationship dynamics. From intimacy challenges to the transition of our engagement, her approach has been incredibly adaptive. We never feel like we’re following a pre-set agenda; she has the tools to respond naturally to wherever we are as individuals and as a couple. Whether we’re facing acute blockages or simply want to build a more supportive structure for our intimacy, Ilil delivers immense value.

    - Ali & Derrick -