What Causes Low Sex Drive In Women? How To Reignite Desire & Intimacy in a Sexless Marriage

For those experiencing low libido or finding themselves in a sexless marriage, the loss of desire for intimacy can be incredibly frustrating.

In this article, we'll begin by exploring some of the most common causes of low sex drive in women, ranging from emotional and relational dynamics to hormonal and lifestyle factors. Understanding the root causes is often the first and most empowering step toward rebuilding desire.

From there, we’ll offer some practical, compassionate steps you can take to start reigniting intimacy and connection in your marriage. This is not about fixing yourself, but about reawakening parts of you that may have gone quiet for very good reasons. The invitation is to begin gently, with curiosity and compassion.

Whether you're navigating a completely sexless relationship or just looking to bring the spark back in your marriage, this guide will offer insights, tools, and hope for reconnecting with your sensual self and your partner.

What causes female loss of desire and low libido?

Lack of sexual desire is the #1 bedroom issue women of all ages talk to professionals about.

However, in trying to address this, many experts only focus on the physical causes of low libidio and neglect to ask a simple question:

Are women actually getting the kind of sex they want?

Women typically need more variety and specific types of physical and mental stimulation to get in the mood and increase sex drive. Because of this, lack of desire, low libido, and low sex drive are rarely issues that happen overnight – they build up slowly and can worsen over time unless you take active steps to resolve the underlying issues at play.

It’s common for women to keep having sex despite decreasing desire for months or even years before finally saying they're not interested anymore. For many, sex hasn't felt good or exciting in a long time – and that’s a part of the problem.

So, if low sex drive for women is not just about physical issues, what’s actually causing it? Here are 10 common factors that can contribute to low sex drive in women:

1. Having sex that doesn't turn you on.

Having sex that doesn't turn you on (or worse, turns you off) will naturally make you less interested over time. This disconnect is one of the leading causes of a low sex drive for women, especially when physical acts feel mechanical or disconnected from emotional closeness.

2. Missing emotional connection with your intimate partner.

For many women, getting interested in sex starts long before getting physical. What turns women on might not look sexual at all. Building emotional connection – really listening to her, planning meaningful dates, sharing vulnerability and feelings – creates the foundation for physical intimacy in a relationship. Our culture's narrow view of sex as just physical often leaves out this crucial piece, contributing to low desire.

3. Not knowing your own turn-ons.

Many women grow up disconnected from their sexual desires. Without exploring what genuinely excites them, they don't know how to get themselves in the mood. Even women who do know what they want often hesitate to say it, worried about seeming too demanding, too picky, or hurting their partner's feelings. This hesitation can slowly lead to a loss of desire and a diminished sense of agency in their sexual lives.

4. Unresolved tension and lingering resentment.

Over time, unresolved issues between partners can create resentment—a major attraction and desire killer. These tensions might come from sexual disappointments or completely different matters. When differences and problems go undiscussed, they create distance. In This situation the root cause is often emotional, not physical.

5. Partner attraction issues.

Relationships form for many reasons beyond physical chemistry. You might have committed based on emotional connection, or logistic compatibility, despite limited physical attraction, or the initial spark may have faded with time. Changes in personality or appearance can affect attraction levels. This lack of excitement can evolve into a lack of desire for intimacy in your current relationship.

6. Too much on your plate.

Life gets busier as we age, with mounting responsibilities leaving little energy for intimacy. Parenting - especially in the first years, work demands, or difficult events like losing a job or family member, can push sex to the bottom of your priority list. When your mind is constantly occupied with responsibilities, desire often disappears. Stress and exhaustion are major contributors to a low sex drive in women.

7. Experiencing pain or discomfort during sex.

Physical pain or discomfort during intimacy quickly kills interest. When your body connects sex with discomfort rather than pleasure, both your mind and body learn to avoid it. Repeated experiences of discomfort or painful intercourse can transform desire into dread, leading to complete disinterest over time.

8. Trauma's lasting impact.

Past sexual or emotional abuse often continues affecting desire long afterward. Some survivors develop protective patterns to prevent triggering traumatic memories. Sexual activities might cause flashbacks, making the past feel present again. Many unconsciously shut down sexual feelings as a self-protection mechanism, which contributes to long-term low libido or low sex.

9. Negative body image.

Your relationship with your body directly affects your sexual interest. When bombarded with unrealistic beauty standards, many women feel too self-conscious to enjoy sex. Rather than experiencing physical sensations, they become spectators to their own bodies, mentally critiquing themselves instead of occupying their body and having an experience of pleasure. This disconnection can feed into low desire and make it harder to experience genuine arousal.

10. Medication side-effects.

Several common medications reduce sexual desire as a side effect. Antidepressants frequently lower libido and make orgasms harder to achieve. Birth control pills can similarly diminish sexual interest. If taking either, consider discussing options with your doctor that might preserve your sexual wellbeing while addressing your health needs.

How can women increase their sex drive?

Whether you're feeling disconnected from your body, emotionally distant from your partner, or simply unsure where your desire has gone, know that you're not alone. And more importantly, it can change.

While hormones and big life changes (losing someone, moving, changing diet) can affect desire, finding better sexual experiences often works better than jumping straight to medical treatments.

Here are some effective ways to increase sex drive in women:

1. Take the time to understand what’s happening for you.

Before trying to fix low desire, it’s crucial to slow down and honestly explore what’s happening beneath the surface. Self-awareness is one of the most powerful tools for change. Ask yourself: When did I start noticing a drop in my desire? How long has this been going on? Were there any emotional, relational, or physical shifts that happened around that time?

It’s easy to judge yourself or try to push through without fully understanding the “why.” But taking the time to reflect can help you identify patterns, like feeling constantly exhausted, emotionally unfulfilled, touched-out, disconnected from your body, or carrying unspoken resentment.

This kind of honest, compassionate inquiry isn’t always easy, but it can uncover root causes that need tending. Clarity is the first step toward healing and change.

2. Reconnect with pleasure (and yourself) outside of sex.

Low desire is often less about sex itself and more about the state of your inner and relational world. When a woman feels emotionally disconnected, physically exhausted, or stuck in survival mode, her body is simply not in a place to access arousal – because arousal requires safety, presence, relaxation, and tailored stimulation.

One of the most effective ways to gently begin reigniting desire is to reconnect with pleasure in everyday life, without the pressure of it needing to lead to sex.

This might mean tuning into and slowing down to enjoy moments that feel good, and maybe even pleasurable during your day. A hot sower, delicious meal, touch from another, dance, time in nature, music, deep rest, or even a cup of tea. These small acts help shift your nervous system out of fight-or-flight and into noticing pleasure – where desire can actually emerge.

But this process doesn’t exist in a vacuum.

Emotional and relational safety are just as important. If you’re carrying unspoken resentment, feeling emotionally unseen, or navigating a breakdown in communication with your partner, your body may be protecting you by switching off desire. That’s why emotional repair, through vulnerable conversations is a vital part of this journey. Support of a Sexologist and a Relationship coach can help a lot in learning how to repair affectively.

Likewise, pleasure often starts with you, not your partner. Reconnecting with your body through solo touch, masturbation practice, or sensual rituals (without the expectation of orgasm) can help you rebuild trust with yourself. When you experience yourself as deserving of pleasure, and your body as a source of it, desire often begins to return, naturally, and on your terms.

This kind of reconnection is not about fixing yourself, but about reawakening parts of you that may have gone quiet for very good reasons. The invitation is to begin gently, with curiosity and compassion.

3. Work with a professional sexologist for a more complete approach to increasing your libido.

Consulting a sexologist provides a comprehensive solution for rekindling desire. A sexologist can identify the real causes behind your low libido and develop personalised strategies to transform your relationship with sexuality.

A qualified sexologist helps you:

• Discover what genuinely arouses you and learn to communicate your desires effectively.

• Overcome negative messages about sex you've internalised.

• Repair and clean up piled up resentment between you and your partner, and learn more effective ways to deal with ruptures and disagreements. 

• Develop a positive relationship with your body.

• Create more fulfilling intimate experiences

Unlike medical approaches that treat symptoms, sexologists address the root psychological and relational factors affecting desire. In a safe, judgment-free environment, your sexologist provides insights and practical exercises to reconnect with your body’s sensations and pleasure, explore fantasies and preferences you might have disconnected from. They'll teach you how to receive pleasure more openly and express your needs to your partner in positive, relationship-enhancing ways.

By focusing on both emotional and physical aspects of sexuality, working with a sexologist helps increase sex drive and rebuild intimacy from the ground up, creating lasting changes rather than temporary fixes.

This article is inspired by and closely based on“Low Libido in Women & Sudden Loss of Sex Drive” by Danielle Harel, Ph.D., a leading expert in sexology and co-founder of the Somatica Institute. It has been adapted with gratitude to reflect and share her insights with a wider audience